Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Talking about a Take Down

No big celebrating today. But I did take a moment to think about it all. What am I am talking about you might ask? I am talking about a "take down." Mine specifically.

One year ago today we drove down to St. Luke's and waited for my turn. My turn. My turn to in my head (at the time) to be cured. To be cured of my "friend" that had been attached to me for 12 weeks. Really a blip in time but those 12 weeks last year were the LONGEST 12 I have ever lived. Nothing in my now 40 years of life had been so horrific, worrisome, aggravating, mentally debilitating. Oh I could go on and on about my feelings at the time of my "friend." Believe me when I say that then nothing I had ever experienced was as bad and well I have had my share of crap.

But now. Now as I look back at it. I see it more as survival. I survived what seemed terrible then but seriously it now doesn't seem all that terrible. Especially when I think...I am alive and well and so far so good. Whew! Would I want to go back. OK. Let's be honest. NO! I pray the good Lord will bless me with how I am now for the rest of my living days.

Thinking back to this day I remember prior to going back my biggest fear was that I wasnt getting my dear Dr. H to preform this last step. There was another person waiting. Waiting his turn. This guy was actually in step two of three steps (I only had to do two steps which only means that I was not terribly sick at the initial phase.) but he was waiting for his turn at being "cured" I am sure in his own mind. This guy, would later become my hall walking pal. He was a young new father and in from a small town in Texas. His parents and wife and baby would visit almost every day. Ironically he went home before me. Yes. Yes I tend to not stay the minimum days....I was in for a week. Longer than expected but well nothing is typically the norm with me.
So back to Dr. H. We both were scheduled with Dr. H. Who would get him. I knew I wanted him. I wanted this genius doctor who had spent hours and hours 12 weeks prior specifically creating this wonderful new j pouch inside me to do the honors of my "take down." Dr. H did do the honor but apparently I didn't start out with him. I remember going back after praying with Lance to yet another operating room. Knowing the real work had been done in the first surgery didn't calm my nerves. I wouldn't be good with it all until I knew my "friend" was gone for good. Until waking and knowing it was no more.

I some what remember waking hours later in recovery. Asking "is it done? is it gone." The nurse didn't really know what I was referring too and that's when my sweet husband said "just rest, it's gone." The next thing I knew I was in my room and waking pretty coherent but soon the pain would be too much and the sweet sweet drugs they would give me would help me to sleep until late the next day.

I remember being so happy. So happy and anxious. So happy and anxious and in pain. So happy and anxious and in pain and bloated with gas. Oh that gas was the killer. Seriously I looked as if I was pregnant but in a nightmarish sort of way. It was as if I was carrying a baby but in my side above my left hip. It was just locked there. It took days to go away. Walk, walk, walk and just like the moms that get to walking to get the labor going. I got to rid my side of that gas baby. Days later and it was a pain literally in my side.

I was in the hospital a week and during that week I progressed into my new reality.
My new reality living with my new system. My j pouch was now not a silent partner waiting to heal. It was real and ready to work. My new me was yet to be revealed to me because I sometimes think I am still figuring it out. Learning to become good friends with my new "friend." The one I wanted so badly to be "friends" with. My J pouch. But just like "best friends" we have our good days and then we have some spats. Some days I swear it hates me.

But as I remember this day and am grateful and thankful for all those that helped me and my family. I also want to say that this take down, the one I prayed would be successful. Is indeed showing to be just that. As I mentioned I feel like I am still figuring it out but I am happy. Happy to have recovered to the point I am at on this day. One year ago, I would not have known that the journey was not over, it was only just starting when talking about a take down.

Biggest thought of my day was this: Thank you Lord for this day!

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