Sunday, August 23, 2009

Exactly one month till surgery.
And if you go by blogger time stamp of posting then scarily enough almost to the exact time too.

Friday, August 21, 2009

tick tock tick tock

So it seems like the days are going by so quickly. We are almost at a month out. I feel like I have so much to do in such a short window of time. Most moments though I want to think about and attend to anything but this surgery and all that pertains to it.

I got a call from Methodist yesterday about pre-registering and I ignored the call. Then they called my cell phone. I listened to the message and a sinking feeling came over me.

I am sure that as the days draw near I will be growing ever more anxious and panic filled. I must remember though that I can not control this and that I should just surrender to it. Of course I know who is in control and I need not be afraid however, I am but a mere human.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Guess what I am getting for my birthday?

Well the day after my birthday technically.

I am getting a "colon reduction!" Blah ha ha! I kill myself!

Okay so if this is going to happen, really happen than I have to get through it the best I can right.
So seeing that I have always wanted to have some "work" done I will just consider this being the start to the new and improved me. Grin.

So September 23 I will be admitted to Methodist hospital with a surgery time of 5:45am

We will be checking into a hotel the night before in the medical center as I will have to be up hours prior doing some lovely "prep" work for this surgery to be a go.

Anxiety is setting in but I am trying to occupy my time with things such as housework, MOPS, meet the teacher night for Campbell next week, preschool starting a week later, starting a new business, finding a therapist to "talk" it all out with, going to church, working out and let's see what else? Any thing else sign me up as I want to get it all in before some serious down time.

Finally praying, praying for peace in my heart to trust this will all work out for all involved.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

So surgery might be sooner.

So I have been mentally sound with the idea that my surgery is scheduled for October 13th. Knowing that it was a possibility that tomorrow Dr. H could reset the day didn't seem to phase me too much because I was fine, just fine with the 13th. BUT then....then I went over an email my husband sent me about open enrollment for our benefits and it said that the new insurance calendar year starts October 1st.

October 1st.....OH SHIT!
October 1st and October 13th don't jive.
The surgery would have to be pushed up and not by Dr. H but by, by ME!!!

I was up last night in the middle of the night for close to two hours having a panic attack. I wanted to just cry. I wanted to wake my husband up in the middle of the night and cry. But I didn't. I stewed, I fussed, I rolled over and over. I felt like my hands and legs were twitching and I couldn't stop. My mind was running and I couldn't catch up. I really wanted to not be the only one up but I was. I just couldn't wake him besides I was sleeping upstairs in the guest room/office due to the fact that for the last two nights my husband was snoring like a bear and I couldn't sleep. Oh three nights with little sleep you can imagine how tired I was today.
I don't recall when I dozed off I just remember being awoke by a little voice saying "Mommy, I have to go pee, pee."

So today in my fog of a state I called the insurance to double check and sure enough a new calendar year starts October 1st and with it comes new deductibles to be met. So the agent kindly said "it would be crazy not to move the date of your surgery up."
Goodness can't a girl catch a break.

So sooner is September and tomorrow we will find out what the new date will be.
Stay tuned and goodnight.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

gasping for air

I have a pre-op appointment with Dr. H next Thursday in the morning and then will be registered for a hospital tour and teaching class for the illeostomy. My surgery is set for Tuesday the 13th of October.

I am gasping for air right now because this is really "REAL" now. There is no way around it or out of it. I am going to have to have the surgery. I pray God will grant me the favorable results I desire. The favorable results I desire is a perfect j pouch is created, I have the illeostomy for 12 weeks and then have the second surgery or what some call the take down in which the small intestine is reconnected and takes on the role of small intestine, colon and rectum.

Stay tuned,


Monday, August 3, 2009

God can you hear me?

I am here. I am speaking to you my fears, my concerns. You already know them. But are you listening to my heart, my mind, my voice? Can you hear me?

Right now I will say it out loud just so this earthly creature of yours can be sure that she used her mouth, heart, mind, lungs and vocal cords (hmmm is there more that goes into speaking?)

Lord, I know that I have to have this surgery. Please grant the doctors and nurses amazing talent and knowledge as we get ready to move forward and while they are working on me. But most importantly dear Lord when you stitched me together in my mother's womb, can you remember if you blessed me with a long small intestine? Because I am going to need it. I will trust and pray that you did because w/o the long small intestine the j pouch portion of my surgery will not take place. Dear Lord, I desire the j pouch portion of the surgery. I desire that the J pouch is a success in my body. I have been taught to tell you of my desires, that you will provide. Please find favor on me. Bless me dear Lord with a long small intestine so that the end result will be healthy fully functional j pouch patient. Amen.