Oncologist

So got a call from the oncologist...will need to be seen in early November but prior to that I have to go in for a chest X ray. I double checked to make sure I wasnt suppose to do the CT scan..nope just a chest X ray...apparently the increase of lung cancer after colon cancer is common so they are concerned about my lungs....last November they thought something was a miss but it was nothing. Lets hope for more of the same. Never smoked a day in my life....what a joke if my butt ends up giving me lung cancer.

There are....

There are just certain days where the bathroom sees me more than anyone else in my home.

Not because I am there to gain my sanity but I am gathering some relief....so to speak.

You'd think that after one year and three months since my take down that I'd be "regular" but no.....no. and did I mention no.

There are just certain days....this just happens to be one. Main reason I am particularly bothered by it is this....It's Mother's Day and well I just don't want my children to grow up remembering how often mommy was in the bathroom.

Like I said....there are certain days.

Sigh.

So a while back....

A while back I had posted about something in/on my lungs that the oncologist had wanted a repeat xray as a follow up from my dehydration stay at the hospital back in November. Well....well I was to get it done in February and that month was taken over by house hold sickness including me. Than March came and went and before I knew it, it was April. So in April I got a call saying to go do the xray and add a CT scan as well. Now the CT scan is routine for following that tiny bit of rectum that is still left. Want to make sure that little guy in there stays cancer free!

So now we wait for word. While I was waiting I apparently missed, as I had forgotten all about my appointment with the doctor yesterday. Yep, yesterday I would have had news from those two reports....sometimes I would like to still blame my forgetfulness on the anathesia drugs. But reality is....I just plain forgot....that's what you get for not flipping the calender!

So they were kind enough to set me up for a visit next Tuesday. I asked about the results and of course the scheduler couldnt say a word. So I wait....and yes, I've got it marked on the calendar that is now turned to May.

May your May be full of blessings!
ML

Talking about a Take Down

No big celebrating today. But I did take a moment to think about it all. What am I am talking about you might ask? I am talking about a "take down." Mine specifically.

One year ago today we drove down to St. Luke's and waited for my turn. My turn. My turn to in my head (at the time) to be cured. To be cured of my "friend" that had been attached to me for 12 weeks. Really a blip in time but those 12 weeks last year were the LONGEST 12 I have ever lived. Nothing in my now 40 years of life had been so horrific, worrisome, aggravating, mentally debilitating. Oh I could go on and on about my feelings at the time of my "friend." Believe me when I say that then nothing I had ever experienced was as bad and well I have had my share of crap.

But now. Now as I look back at it. I see it more as survival. I survived what seemed terrible then but seriously it now doesn't seem all that terrible. Especially when I think...I am alive and well and so far so good. Whew! Would I want to go back. OK. Let's be honest. NO! I pray the good Lord will bless me with how I am now for the rest of my living days.

Thinking back to this day I remember prior to going back my biggest fear was that I wasnt getting my dear Dr. H to preform this last step. There was another person waiting. Waiting his turn. This guy was actually in step two of three steps (I only had to do two steps which only means that I was not terribly sick at the initial phase.) but he was waiting for his turn at being "cured" I am sure in his own mind. This guy, would later become my hall walking pal. He was a young new father and in from a small town in Texas. His parents and wife and baby would visit almost every day. Ironically he went home before me. Yes. Yes I tend to not stay the minimum days....I was in for a week. Longer than expected but well nothing is typically the norm with me.
So back to Dr. H. We both were scheduled with Dr. H. Who would get him. I knew I wanted him. I wanted this genius doctor who had spent hours and hours 12 weeks prior specifically creating this wonderful new j pouch inside me to do the honors of my "take down." Dr. H did do the honor but apparently I didn't start out with him. I remember going back after praying with Lance to yet another operating room. Knowing the real work had been done in the first surgery didn't calm my nerves. I wouldn't be good with it all until I knew my "friend" was gone for good. Until waking and knowing it was no more.

I some what remember waking hours later in recovery. Asking "is it done? is it gone." The nurse didn't really know what I was referring too and that's when my sweet husband said "just rest, it's gone." The next thing I knew I was in my room and waking pretty coherent but soon the pain would be too much and the sweet sweet drugs they would give me would help me to sleep until late the next day.

I remember being so happy. So happy and anxious. So happy and anxious and in pain. So happy and anxious and in pain and bloated with gas. Oh that gas was the killer. Seriously I looked as if I was pregnant but in a nightmarish sort of way. It was as if I was carrying a baby but in my side above my left hip. It was just locked there. It took days to go away. Walk, walk, walk and just like the moms that get to walking to get the labor going. I got to rid my side of that gas baby. Days later and it was a pain literally in my side.

I was in the hospital a week and during that week I progressed into my new reality.
My new reality living with my new system. My j pouch was now not a silent partner waiting to heal. It was real and ready to work. My new me was yet to be revealed to me because I sometimes think I am still figuring it out. Learning to become good friends with my new "friend." The one I wanted so badly to be "friends" with. My J pouch. But just like "best friends" we have our good days and then we have some spats. Some days I swear it hates me.

But as I remember this day and am grateful and thankful for all those that helped me and my family. I also want to say that this take down, the one I prayed would be successful. Is indeed showing to be just that. As I mentioned I feel like I am still figuring it out but I am happy. Happy to have recovered to the point I am at on this day. One year ago, I would not have known that the journey was not over, it was only just starting when talking about a take down.


Biggest thought of my day was this: Thank you Lord for this day!

did I mention

So did I mention that when I was in the hospital in November I was diagnosed with pneumonia?

Well I didn't have it but was treated for it. Apparently they found a area of interest on my lungs.

Hello I was in pain and couldn't breathe...hence the area of interest.

Oh well. I had a follow up x-ray done at the end of NOVEMBER and just found out today that I have to have a follow up x-ray done first of next month.

I asked "why?"

Well I was told...."it's nothing to worry about."

I said so than "why am I having another x-ray?"

The reason given. "to see if the infiltrate has corrected itself."

Ugh, "infiltrate?"

Yes. But "nothing to worry about."

So I guess they didn't realize that "worry" is my middle name.

Stay tuned.

Almost at a year

As I booked a check up with Dr. H yesterday the feelings of how anxious I was last year flooded my mind. I was so very anxious for the take down surgery. I am so ready to stop wearing the appliance on my side. I was nervous that in a few weeks I would no longer have a home health care nurse. I had to survive the last two weeks w/o Rose and it was a nervous time for me. That bag and stoma can be tricky. But mostly I was fixed on counting down the days till the second surgery.

Soon it will be a year from that surgery and week stay at the lovely St. Luke's Hospital.

I can tell you that it is not romantic to spend your valentine's day in the hospital. But I was however very relieved that I was put together and working on learning the new me.
Romance had all but been put off to the way side during this time in our life. I suppose, love took on a different meaning.

So my next check up will be exactly one day after the year mark for my take down surgery.
I am hopeful that the check up will show that the jpouch is working as it should and is holding up nicely. I am very happy with it and hope to never have to trade it in.

Am I anxious about this appointment. Well, yes. Yes, I am.
I can tell you that it is never fun to have some one check out your "butt" in the manner that Dr. H. does. So anxious. Yes. But happy that all is mending well as far as I am aware.