Talking about a Take Down

No big celebrating today. But I did take a moment to think about it all. What am I am talking about you might ask? I am talking about a "take down." Mine specifically.

One year ago today we drove down to St. Luke's and waited for my turn. My turn. My turn to in my head (at the time) to be cured. To be cured of my "friend" that had been attached to me for 12 weeks. Really a blip in time but those 12 weeks last year were the LONGEST 12 I have ever lived. Nothing in my now 40 years of life had been so horrific, worrisome, aggravating, mentally debilitating. Oh I could go on and on about my feelings at the time of my "friend." Believe me when I say that then nothing I had ever experienced was as bad and well I have had my share of crap.

But now. Now as I look back at it. I see it more as survival. I survived what seemed terrible then but seriously it now doesn't seem all that terrible. Especially when I think...I am alive and well and so far so good. Whew! Would I want to go back. OK. Let's be honest. NO! I pray the good Lord will bless me with how I am now for the rest of my living days.

Thinking back to this day I remember prior to going back my biggest fear was that I wasnt getting my dear Dr. H to preform this last step. There was another person waiting. Waiting his turn. This guy was actually in step two of three steps (I only had to do two steps which only means that I was not terribly sick at the initial phase.) but he was waiting for his turn at being "cured" I am sure in his own mind. This guy, would later become my hall walking pal. He was a young new father and in from a small town in Texas. His parents and wife and baby would visit almost every day. Ironically he went home before me. Yes. Yes I tend to not stay the minimum days....I was in for a week. Longer than expected but well nothing is typically the norm with me.
So back to Dr. H. We both were scheduled with Dr. H. Who would get him. I knew I wanted him. I wanted this genius doctor who had spent hours and hours 12 weeks prior specifically creating this wonderful new j pouch inside me to do the honors of my "take down." Dr. H did do the honor but apparently I didn't start out with him. I remember going back after praying with Lance to yet another operating room. Knowing the real work had been done in the first surgery didn't calm my nerves. I wouldn't be good with it all until I knew my "friend" was gone for good. Until waking and knowing it was no more.

I some what remember waking hours later in recovery. Asking "is it done? is it gone." The nurse didn't really know what I was referring too and that's when my sweet husband said "just rest, it's gone." The next thing I knew I was in my room and waking pretty coherent but soon the pain would be too much and the sweet sweet drugs they would give me would help me to sleep until late the next day.

I remember being so happy. So happy and anxious. So happy and anxious and in pain. So happy and anxious and in pain and bloated with gas. Oh that gas was the killer. Seriously I looked as if I was pregnant but in a nightmarish sort of way. It was as if I was carrying a baby but in my side above my left hip. It was just locked there. It took days to go away. Walk, walk, walk and just like the moms that get to walking to get the labor going. I got to rid my side of that gas baby. Days later and it was a pain literally in my side.

I was in the hospital a week and during that week I progressed into my new reality.
My new reality living with my new system. My j pouch was now not a silent partner waiting to heal. It was real and ready to work. My new me was yet to be revealed to me because I sometimes think I am still figuring it out. Learning to become good friends with my new "friend." The one I wanted so badly to be "friends" with. My J pouch. But just like "best friends" we have our good days and then we have some spats. Some days I swear it hates me.

But as I remember this day and am grateful and thankful for all those that helped me and my family. I also want to say that this take down, the one I prayed would be successful. Is indeed showing to be just that. As I mentioned I feel like I am still figuring it out but I am happy. Happy to have recovered to the point I am at on this day. One year ago, I would not have known that the journey was not over, it was only just starting when talking about a take down.


Biggest thought of my day was this: Thank you Lord for this day!

did I mention

So did I mention that when I was in the hospital in November I was diagnosed with pneumonia?

Well I didn't have it but was treated for it. Apparently they found a area of interest on my lungs.

Hello I was in pain and couldn't breathe...hence the area of interest.

Oh well. I had a follow up x-ray done at the end of NOVEMBER and just found out today that I have to have a follow up x-ray done first of next month.

I asked "why?"

Well I was told...."it's nothing to worry about."

I said so than "why am I having another x-ray?"

The reason given. "to see if the infiltrate has corrected itself."

Ugh, "infiltrate?"

Yes. But "nothing to worry about."

So I guess they didn't realize that "worry" is my middle name.

Stay tuned.

Almost at a year

As I booked a check up with Dr. H yesterday the feelings of how anxious I was last year flooded my mind. I was so very anxious for the take down surgery. I am so ready to stop wearing the appliance on my side. I was nervous that in a few weeks I would no longer have a home health care nurse. I had to survive the last two weeks w/o Rose and it was a nervous time for me. That bag and stoma can be tricky. But mostly I was fixed on counting down the days till the second surgery.

Soon it will be a year from that surgery and week stay at the lovely St. Luke's Hospital.

I can tell you that it is not romantic to spend your valentine's day in the hospital. But I was however very relieved that I was put together and working on learning the new me.
Romance had all but been put off to the way side during this time in our life. I suppose, love took on a different meaning.

So my next check up will be exactly one day after the year mark for my take down surgery.
I am hopeful that the check up will show that the jpouch is working as it should and is holding up nicely. I am very happy with it and hope to never have to trade it in.

Am I anxious about this appointment. Well, yes. Yes, I am.
I can tell you that it is never fun to have some one check out your "butt" in the manner that Dr. H. does. So anxious. Yes. But happy that all is mending well as far as I am aware.

Happy New Year's Eve 2010

Wow! This year is quickly drawing to a close.

I can say that I am happy to have it fall "behind" me...ha! ha!

Last year on New Year's Eve I was in so much anticipation of the new year coming because it was one step closer to my second surgery.

Now that it is wrapping up I am thankful for the great strides in recovery I have made.

I am looking forward to a blessed 2011 with GREAT health and remaining cancer free as I will in 2011 start year two of five being followed by the oncologist. I think I have mentioned that while my cancer was removed at surgery time I still need to be followed. Crazy how I was given the statistics of a five year mortality rate for colon cancer. I surely hope I will beat the odds. God grant me that.

2011...I great you...just minutes away now.

my own little wrapping

So after being on the mend from this two step surgery. With one anniversary behind me and approaching the anniversary of surgery step number 2 I have come to the conclusion that the wrapping left behind was not so pretty.

It's not pretty or neat. It's not colorful. I can not even see it. But it is there. Some days wrapped pretty darn tight.


What wrapping am I talking about....well that would be scar tissue.

I think I have the most at the the ostomy site. While the scar from the outside still shows and well doesn't flatter my tummy...it could be worse. So I'll take it. Most days I don't even notice it. But when that naughty wrapping on the inside tightens up....oh what a pain.

Does anyone else have this issue? I am pretty sure that it was partly to blame for my blockage back in November with my hospital stay.

Tell me about your wrapping. I'd love to swap stories.

Still healing,
ML

One year.

Today marked the one year mark for my first surgery.

I felt kinda strange the days leading up to this day. Nothing like last year.

Today I have to admit I was kinda emotional.

Recently I spent a few days in the hospital and was reminded of just how special this J pouch is to me. Meaning, I was told that I had a small obstruction....all I could think of was losing my j pouch. I probably freaked out way too soon but if you can remember I had this surgery NOT because of my colitis being out of control but because of potential cancer....then having cancer found...so the hole idea of having yet another surgery or going back to life with the appliance came rushing back to me. Praises! Things seemed to resolve in my inner most areas and I was out by the weekend.

A year ago I was walking a dark path. Thankfully I was blessed to be guided out of it.
Sometimes I think of this past year and realize all that was revealed to me.

God's grace, strengthening relationships, maternal love (my mom is AMAZING), true friendships, children and resilience and just the amount of pain one person can take....emotional and physical. Thank goodness for God, family and great friends.

Truly this past year would have been different without that trio.

Here's to many more years of celebrating being cancer free and j pouch in tact.

Been meaning....

I've been meaning to do an update but when I sit down to do it something comes up or I am beat. I usually did blog updates at nap time but well...I've been napping during nap time. The other time would be after bed time for my kids but well than I have to do some work since I was napping during nap time. Mainly I just need to get on it. So I will. I promise you. Be prepared and do bring a snack as it will be a long one.