First Post Surgery visit with Surgeon

So yesterday I completed a count down. I was able to get to see the surgeon for my first post surgery visit.

Let's just say the visit came with surprises....not of the greatest kind.

So well let's see. Where to begin.

Ah yes with the information I tried to gain to prep myself for the first visit.

I called the office ahead of time to find out what to expect. I spoke to the nurse. He told me that Dr. H would be looking at the laprascopic sites of entry, my bikini line incision and feeling my belly around the stoma are. It was possible he might want to look at the stoma but doubtful at this point.

I was at peace now knowing what to expect. My concern was that they would have me take the appliance off and then be stuck putting a new one on all by myself...which has not happened yet. If only that was my biggest concern after actually going through with the visit....which mind you had to be done.

So off I went yesterday to the appointment. I had clearance to drive myself there for this visit only as I am considered a home bound patient but that I would be allowed to drive just this once......oh the freedom I felt! It was so nice.
I get to the office and wait. Of course I wait. That's what we do in order to see Dr. H is wait. I did follow instructions and call down to the office and see what the "wait" time was. He was an hour behind so I drove down to the med center later so that I would be there right at the hour behind mark. I got there with about 15 minutes to spare, early....not really my thing but maybe I should change that habit. Old habits die hard though.

So my actual wait time in the waiting room was about 12 minutes. Not bad. I then go back to the small and cold exam room. I wait another 7 minutes and he pops his head in the door. Say's to me, "I've been wondering about you." He instructs me on how to undress and quickly leaves the room or door way rather. The nurse comes in and helps me to place the drape. She leaves. I then wait. Pants down to my knees top pulled up to bra line and a drape in a cold room. I wait and wait. I wait so long the auto lights shut down, which is actually fine because I snooze. It must have been another 12 minutes before the doctor walks in and says "oh, spooky." because I was lying there in the dark. So he chats me up a bit and while over looking my incisions. He mentions that the bikini line is a bit crooked. I mention that it was to begin with. See they entered the same area as my two c sections and I think it was a bit crooked from when they had to go in and get Campbell out in a hurry. No worries though because no one sees it. I don't even notice.

So then he instructs me to roll over knees to the wall. That he has to do an internal exam. A What? I explain to him no one told me. I had tried to anticipate this visit. He smiled and said well that nurse isn't getting their box of chocolates now are they? ha! NO they are not! I say. He also said well maybe they thought you wouldn't come if you knew. Darn right...kidding. But it would have been nice to mentally be prepared. However, how prepared can you be to having something placed in your bottom when awake. I of course smiled politely and rolled over. Suffering the torture but learning that all looks "great for three weeks out. right were we should be healing wise." is what I heard from my behind.

I was then instructed to get dressed and meet him in his office.

So dressed I get, feeling happy that exam was over. However, I would soon learn that exam, that same exam I would need to have every two weeks until the take down. Oh my, load me up with some anti anxiety meds please!

I get to the office and learn the above mentioned repeating exam news. Great. Then I learn some other news. news I wasn't expecting. First off he had asked me where Lance was when he first poked his head in. Now I would learn why he had asked for Lance.

So well let's start with the good news. The good news is that my internal pouch is healing perfectly but oh yeah I heard this from "behind." The take down will stay on track. I say, "9 more weeks." he confirms. Then for the bad. The bad is well it's bad at first....I was in shock. But now that I have sat on it overnight, I am still overwhelmed and trying to figure out if the news is still bad or well...not so bad. It defiantly isn't good but then again it might be.

Here it goes. The bad news I got was this.

I HAD rectal cancer. Yes! I did say cancer. But the word that I might need to focus on is this. HAD. You see they removed my rectum. It was part of the deal. Since I was not having the surgery just because my UC was way out of control. If that was case I would have just had my colon (large intestine removed) that surgery would have been called an IPA. However, I was having the surgery because of the dysplasia that was presenting. So that that meant two organs had to be removed. It was an all or nothing deal. No surgeon I interviewed was going to leave me with the rectum in tact. So as I sit there looking at the doctor with my jaw on the floor he mentions that it was a shock to him too. They weren't expecting this news. We knew there was the dysplasia in the colon but here. This was a surprise. He proceeds to tell me how the cancer was in the rectum but thankfully had not gone through the wall or in to the lymph nodes. Praises for that! I interject...is this why you asked where Lance was? He looks at me and says "yes. I didn't want to have to give you the news alone." Still in shock but mouth now closed I asked "what does this all mean?" the doctor then goes on to inform me that I will need to see an oncologist. That there is a possibility that I may have to go through chemo and/or radiation treatments. But that the only way to know for sure will be after I meet with an oncologist. That the 1centimeter left of my rectum....this piece is crucial for the internal pouch to work. It is now called my cuff. That cuff holds the internal pouch in place. The same internal pouch that I (we) prayed so hard would be allowed to be created with in me. That same pouch could now be in danger! You see if there is cancer on the cuff it will need to be removed. The cuff will have to come out. The internal pouch will be no more.

I am NOT ready to hear this news. I want the internal pouch. God knows/knew my desire for that internal j pouch. He knew/knows that I so want it to be hooked up in 9 weeks and for it to work. Oh the other hand if there is no cancer present than the pouch will be hooked up and then I will have to be closely monitored as there will always be a chance that cancer could come to that area since it was already present in the rectum prior to surgery. Heaven help me because God you know. You are the only one that knows how this will all play out. This is not my plan. If it was I would have never ever been sick. I am sure that you have a reason for this path, this yet another to me that is, speed bump. I pray that you will cure me. That there will be NO cancer in the cuff. That there never will be.

Dr. H was very sad to share this news but kept saying...."you really needed this surgery, it is so obvious now, you so needed to have the surgery." Yes. Yes indeed I did. I can not believe that I was walking around with cancer and never felt poorly. I had no symptoms of being sick. Not that I know how it feels to have cancer. I am sure not all cancer patients feel ill at the time of their diagnosis. Ugh. One more thing to worry about. So now, now I search out an oncologist and fast. Dr. H mentioned that I would have a variety of tests done to determine the course of action but that we needed an oncologist on board from now on.

(Deep Breath) as I write this now on this new day. This day two knowing the news. The news I share with you, to come to you for many many prayers and good thoughts. For a cancer free cuff.
For now, for now I will call the doctors he listed for me to contact and one more that a dear friend who is a nurse gave me the name too. I will focus on what I can. that is finding a doctor that is good and that can get me in. I will focus on talking...taking it to the Lord in prayer. I will reset my mind and focus on the bright side. That being it was found and taken out even with out knowing it was there. So the word HAD. I HAD cancer will be my new motto as I beg God to spare me any more.

Blessings on your day,
ML