I have been feeling pretty confident lately.
I think today I was knocked down a peg.
I missed a call today from the oncologist office. The nurse had asked me to call. When I got the message it was after five. Just 10 after so I quickly dialed....hoping someone was there. Well there was but not a nurse to be found. I was told to call back in the morning at 830am. So now I ponder. I worry. I stew. I feel sick. I anger. I cry. I swell with fear.
What I do know is I can not control what I am told tomorrow. It is done. I don't know what I will hear, only God knows. I pray that it is good news. However, the doctor did say that she doesn't call with good news. BUT she didn't call. A nurse called. I pray that a nurse wouldn't be given the job of telling someone that the test results came back with indication of cancer. I pray that I am cancer free. I just don't know if I could handle more than what I have going at now.
Life is stressful enough, add a illness that downs a spouse, mix in a mother in law living with us (praises for her!) and then a dash of toddler tantrums. Blend in news that you don't get until the next morning because you missed a call. Let it heat overnight and boom you get someone running scared!!!!
So as I try to remember that I am in God's hand, that he will comfort me, protect me, carry me. I also fall prey to the evil one who tampers with my thoughts and emotions. I need to be strong but I feel so fragile. I have not felt this emotional since prior to my surgery. I don't like the feeling, I can not shake it. I pray that it will go away, that my fears will be smoothed away.
God, grant me peace and health. Amen.
ML
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ML: Positive thoughts and actions breed positive results, even in the face of negativity. Don't saddle yourself with baggage that may not be there: You may need that strength later.
ReplyDeleteOur thoughts and prayers are with you!
- J;